Set the emotional tone of a conversation
I’ve been thinking about how anytime you have a conversation, there are actually two conversations happening.
There’s the topic. Then there’s the way both people are feeling about the topic. Those two are separate things. The way we're feeling about the topic can completely change the way we talk about it. If you walk in all jumpy and brooding and tense, people pick up on that. If you walk in with a strong and grounded presence, people pick up on that too.
We get to determine the emotional tone of our conversations. The emotional tone is the subtext. It's the meta posture.
Some degree of mirroring naturally happens when we're around other people. This means you get to set the tone—and have the other person follow. You don’t need to get pulled into the other person's frame, especially if it's negative.
Setting the emotional tone is more helpful than memorizing any phrases or scripts of what to say. The emotional tone is subconscious—you can either emit insecure vibes or grounded vibes. Either way, you contribute to creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The topic can be complicated, stressful, uncertain. You can choose to hold it lightly. You can invite the other person to mirror you.
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