Using affirmative phrases: "Do this" versus "Don't do that"

Clarity of language and intent is important. It is to your benefit to be as clear as possible when you speak or write, because clear communication helps you get what you need. Whether you want to change someone's behavior via feedback, or you want them to agree to your suggestion, it helps to understand how words shape the person who's listening.

One way to do this is to speak in the affirmative, rather than the negative.

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How waiters should respond when a customer says, "What do you recommend?"

Have you ever gone to a restaurant and said, "It's our first time here. Everything on the menu looks delicious. What do you recommend?"

When a customer asks that question, it's an opportunity for the waiter to shine, to kick off the next hour together with a positive interaction. The customer is giving you a bid, and you can respond by leaning in. What ensues could lead to a lively exchange and transfer of knowledge about the juicy eats that the restaurant has to offer.

But sometimes, what happens is a frustrating impasse.

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The story we tell ourselves: Farmer's market vs Safeway

At Safeway, there are pricing signs everywhere that allow you to compare exactly how much something costs. Milano cookies are 2/$5, or a package that's $7 is actually 23.5 dollars per ounce if you break it down. 

There are coupon inserts in the front of the store. There are bright yellow signs saying peaches are $1.99 per pound this week, hanging over the sign that says that they're normally $2.49.

If you go to a farmer's market, GOOD LUCK trying to find how much that organic kale costs. There's typically little mention of price anywhere.

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